I was watching a movie that reminded me of my childhood. We idealize our childhoods. I remember that colours appeared much more vivid, sounds were much clearer and food tasted much better. I remember my first pizza. I had heard about pizza on Sesame Street and watched a mouse offer pizza to a cat (the country mouse visits his city cousin). The pizza looked liked cardboard although from the description it has pepperoni and cheese on it. I had never eaten pepperoni then but I liked cheese. I saved my money and went to the local pizza shop. I bought a ham and bacon pizza with cheese. I loved that pizza it was great.
As a child first time experiences seem to the best experience we have. I was born in a city where it seemed much greener. There were lots of trees and grass.My first days at school and my most vivid memory was of the little canteen and the wonderful aromas that exuded from it, hot pies and pastries. It was winter.
Soon after my family moved to a small country town it was brown and dry and hot. Early morning sun rises made handsome colours around my grandmothers house it was almost magical. I loved playing in the yard especially in the old garden shed it felt safe and I had solitude. I don’t recall playing with others there it seemed like I was the only one who ever went there.
In the summer the dry heat accentuated the smell of gum leaves that had fallen from the trees. The old pepper trees did the same only they seemed liked hide outs in which one could make cubbie houses. We had lots of them at the other end of our lane way, it always seemed cooler there.
There were old trains in the rail yard which was mostly abandoned as the rail line from there had been closed in the early 70’s. Past that was the old gas works, now an abandoned building which we played in I think it was finally demolished in the mid 1980’s but the land stood vacant for many years after. the old rail yard was turned into a shopping center.
The city pool was the summer hangout I think I must have had a thousand crushes (I exaggerate) but some of my best times were spent there. In a small country town with not a lot of amusement the pool was the place to be. Eventually that was demolished as well. All the memories of love and first kisses and first crushes bulldozed in a day or two.
Even though there are so many things I remember much of it is lost through the passage of time. So many memories of the things I have done and experienced now locked away somewhere in my head waiting for a certain colour, smell or sound to bring it back to consciousness. Sometimes a word or a touch and the past comes back to the present. Never as it really was but only as I can recall.
Locked in my little bubble so secure unaware of the dangers of the real world and only then seeing them form a child’s point of view seeing simple solutions where everyone could be friends. Day dreaming about the cute girl down the street that I adored and thinking about her now wondering where she is and what she is doing. Did she meet her true love and have children is she even alive? Love was so innocent, not complicated just being with her was the most exhilarating feeling. There were no expectations we weren’t going out with each other. There was simply loyalty as children understand it and companionship that was all we understood and needed.
Sometimes I want to recapture those moments, build a time machine and reenter a younger version of myself and take back some of the things I said and did that lost me some of the greatest loves of my life. But then if I did change time would I be here where I am now? time could have been more tragic and heart breaking, I would never have learned the lessons I have or come to the place where I am and met the people I now know. I might not even believe as I do.
No I wouldn’t change it,not only because I can’t but because there are things in my life now that I want the way they are.There are people in my life that I love and care about that are there for a reason they helped mold me and make me who I am. Every person and every moment of my life has in some impacted the world I live in.
We get one life and one existence we make the best of it or we don’t. There are no what if’s or maybe’s. Maybe the best is yet to come.